Football Chic

Southern Women know their religions:

1. Baptist
2. Methodist
3. Football

And in The South “Sunday Best” doesn’t just apply to your church clothes. I’ll never forget the day I realized that primping for football games was a regional thing. I was 17 and living outside of Chicago. I was showing pictures of home to one of my housemates and when I came upon one of a group of girls at a football game, she furrowed her brows and looked at me, perplexed. “Why are they all DRESSED like that?” Not a pair of jeans could be seen in the picture, just color coordinated sundresses and a romper or two.

Washington Football is in my blood. It runs DEEP. I would love to say being a Redskins fan has been fun, but that would be a fucking lie. It kind of sucks. We haven’t seen the inside of a Superbowl in my memory. And this season has been disastrous to say the least. Today is our last football game of the season and if we don’t win today it will have been the worst one we’ve had since 1964. Oh Lawd.

I guess being a fan of a losing team has been good for me in some ways, though. Having spent over twenty years rooting for a team that sucks has taught me a lot about loyalty and optimism. Sometimes I think it would be nice to wear the colors of a winning team, but I can’t help it- the sight of burgundy and gold makes my heart pitter patter.

Here are the ways I’ve shown my Washington love this season. Too bad it hasn’t seemed to do much good…

I'm on the right, #17

This is my sister’s jersey. It’s a youth size. Don’t be a cheap ass and get a youth size. Seriously, trust me on this. It is boxy as fuck and if you have any boobs at all it will look like a potato sack. Spring for the extra cash to get a women’s fit jersey and you can look slim and fabulous like my sister does, on the left.

This hoodie was a Christmas present two years ago and it is amazing. Fuzzy on the inside and so warm. Get one. It’s a good decision.

A few weeks back I made a total rookie move and made it to a game day with ALL of our skins gear in the wash. So I tried to get creative and go for team color inspired outfits for myself and the boy. It wasn’t perfect, but a Sunday without some burgundy and gold just didn’t seem right.

 This cardigan is great for dressing up a bit too. Black dress + game colored cardi + wide belt and booties = Football Chic... right?

I stole these from my mama and wore them for the first Cowboys game of the season. Too bad they didn’t bring us any luck.

This hair tie was a “sursie” from my mama meant to make me feel better after a hellacious road trip. Super cute and easy way to show off your team spirit, not to mention affordable when most NFL stuff is pricey.

But the item I am most excited about is my Christmas present to myself. I finally sprung for the women’s fit jersey. I ordered it in a co-op in a facebook group and I’m like 90% sure it’s a knockoff from China, but I’m not particularly bothered, tbh. It wasn’t any more expensive to get a custom one so this is what I ordered:

Because, let’s be real, I’ve been a fan for a long time and have learned the hard way that the only name I can count on wanting on a jersey forever is my own.

~~~

Are you a football (or other sports) fan? Share your favorite fan inspired outfits in the comments!

Christmas Shit and My First Foray into Fashion Talk

It’s Christmas Eve! Hooray! We have schlepped through the month of December and are closing in on the finish line! I went on vacation this past week and had a great time but am so freaking glad to be home in my own bed.

Before we left for vacation my twin sister treated me to a night off for grown up entertainment. We have a standing twin date every Wednesday and as we were sitting on the couch that Wednesday chatting she looked at me and said, “I can’t believe Avril Lavigne is in town and we aren’t going to see her.” SAYWHATNOW? So of course, we had to make that happen. And we did. In coordinating twin outfits and everything.

Some Christmas Shit

Before I left for vacation we took the kids to see Santa. Sarah Jane was so excited and wore a pretty red dress and matching purse. She loved it. Butttt it didn’t go quite as well as we planned. Carver started screaming almost as soon as we set him down and I scooped him up so fast I think it scared poor Santa. The photographer was very insistent that I put him back down so she could jingle some stupid bells in his face to make him smile. NO. Anyway, when it was all said and done we went to pay our $25 (HOLY SHIT, RIGHT? HIGHWAY ROBBERY) for the Santa picture and there was literally only ONE with both kids in it because I scooped Carver up so fast. And would you believe how sweet and innocent SJ looks? Almost like she’s saying “Who me?” I swear she pinched her brother right before this picture… she looks way too innocent.

For today’s Christmas Eve celebrations Sarah Jane made a gingerbread house with my twinster. My sister’s name is Britton but in our house, she’s called Cab. When SJ was little she had a hard time with Britton so we wanted a nickname that would be easier to pronounce. My husband always called B “Crazy Aunt Britton” so we shortened it to Cab and it stuck. She even went out and got a tattoo to commemorate her role as aunt.

Anyway, I was grateful Cab was up for it because food crafts are so not my bag. I think I peaked for the year with the Christmas sweater cookies, to be honest. I took the opportunity for some down time to go unpack from vacation. And by “unpack” I mean I put my razor and shampoo back in the bathroom and dumped all of the clothes into a laundry basket. VOILA! UNPACKED! (don’t lie. You do it too.)

But it seemed like they got along just fine without me. Here, have some pics.

After that it was time to make cookies! Again, I don’t cook- I just eat. But Daddy was home today so he and SJ set to work to make 8 dozen cookies for Santa. Except, that is a lie. There will be 3 cookies for Santa, and a handful for Sarah Jane. The rest will be eaten by Daddy in a midnight binge. Count on it.

I think that is about all I can handle for Christmas shit today. I love Christmas but holy worrrrrrrrrrrd I am glad it is almost here and over with. I know I can’t be alone.

Some Fashion Shit – My Favorite Outfits from November and December

I keep wanting to post random fashion related things here since it’s in the title but it feels awfully pretentious to post a bunch of pictures of myself. I’ve made a concerted effort this winter to break out of the yoga pants more often and put myself together. My life is very unglamorous, but that doesn’t mean my clothes have to be. I wore this to the post office the other day:

And this grocery shopping:

I wonder if people look at my outfits and think I’m responsible for things slightly more pressing than wiping boogers and baby butts all day…

Regardless, I thought I’d dip my toe in the “fashion” category of the blog with a few of my favorite outfits of the season.

My Dad’s Shirt

So, my dad passed away this year. In June. It sucked. A lot. He went to the hospital on a Friday and was dead by Wednesday-  it was a whirlwind in the worst way. My husband, who lost his father years ago, told me the best way to keep the memory of a loved one alive was to tell stories. So here are a couple short ones. It’s relevant, I promise.

My dad had this shirt. It was awful. Really, unquestionably bad. A seersucker button down with multi-colored stripes that he kept and wore ALL THE TIME even as his weight went up and down (I can thank him for my yo-yo genes) and I made fun of him for this shirt probably every time he wore it. It was impossible not to. You know how some people say gift giving is their love language? Or quality time? Or whatever? Ours was talking shit. The harder you ragged on someone, the more they knew you cared.

When I got married my parents paid for me to have my hair and makeup done there at the house so I wouldn’t have to go into a salon. When the hairstylist got there she told me I needed a button down shirt so I could take it off and put on my wedding dress without messing up my hair. I didn’t have one anywhere so my sister ran to my dad to ask him for one. A few minutes later I heard him at the door and he stuck his arm through holding that awful shirt. “Here,” he said. “I know how much you love this one.”

When my dad died, my brother and I went to clean out his stuff from where he had been living. Hanging in the closet was this shirt. I took it and told my brother I wanted to keep it. I had no idea what I would do with it, but I knew that I needed to hold onto it. So I hung it in my closet and it sat there for a few months, untouched.

One week I was having a really hard time dealing with the loss of my dad. I was re-living that last week when he was in the hospital and wondering what I could have done differently, what I should have said instead. I just missed my dad. I felt robbed. I knew I needed to get out of the house, so I got the kids dressed and when I went to dress myself I stopped at the space in my closet where the shirt was hanging. I pulled it out and wore it.

I’m sure that to a lot of people that seems strange. But I felt such a sense of peace and comfort wearing that shirt. I felt my dad there with me. I’m sure that he was looking down on me from somewhere, laughing his ass off to see me so happily wearing the shirt that I had always given him such shit for. I know he would have loved it.

Thanksgiving – Don’t Be Fooled

This year for Thanksgiving I decided to dress up for a change. It felt great to put on a dress and some heels even though I wasn’t planning to leave the house. I think I rather looked like a 50s housewife, don’t you? I mistakenly made a comment to that effect while my mother and husband slaved over the meal and I watched football- they were quick with the retort that I only LOOKED like one. ;)

Christmas Party – Tis the season!

My husband’s family has a Christmas party every year and I love it so much. We do a funny gift swap that is always good for a laugh and I love the chance to dress up. This year I bought a new dress with lace overlays and some black heels with little bows. Because seriously, what is cuter and daintier for a Christmas party than heels with freaking BOWS on them?

 Really though, when in doubt, especially with his family I could always wear this.

Because nothing says “Tis the Season” quite like two reindeer fucking. Merry Christmas, y’all!

Crafts & Gifts - How to Not Be a Crappy Gift Giver

Okay, y’all. I am here for a reality check. No one wants your crafts as a gift. Seriously- no one. I mean, it’s cute when it is coming from a child. Sweet, even. From an adult, though? Gifting one of your craft projects will inspire a response like, “Well it’s the thought that counts!” or from Southern women, “Oh… well bless your heart…” But even the most polite will be doing this on the inside:
 

To be fair, this is not a hard and fast rule. There are some crafters who are just THAT GOOD that people actually want their stuff. But those people usually hock their wares on etsy or at craft fairs and have no time to be making them for freesies, especially around the holidays. Giving a gift is your opportunity to show someone that you are thinking about THEM and what THEY want. Gifting crafts says the opposite. It says, “I think the shit that I do is so awesome that these popsicle sticks I glued together should be celebrated like they were assembled by Frank Lloyd Wright.” Your recipient may smile happily when you hand over your handy work, but you might as well have dug through your garbage can for scraps because that is probably where your “gift” will end up. People have enough junk in their lives, they really don’t need more.

Now that I’ve said all of that I’m going to totally contradict myself. If you are on a budget, sometimes crafts are all you’ve got to work with. And believe me, I LOVE to craft. I get it. I’m on your side. So I’m going to give you the three exceptions to this “No Crafts for Gifts” rule. 1) something practical 2) something that looks expensive 3) something to eat.

Something Practical – The Sharpie Mug

My favorite craft in this category is the Sharpie Mug. If you have ever been on Pinterest you’ve probably seen them before. There are lots of tutorials floating around the interwebs, but this one is my favorite: http://www.diyopolis.com/

I have had great success with this craft and it is cheap as hell. The thing I love about it is that you HAVE to get cheap mugs for it to work properly- the more expensive ones have issues with the glaze melting. After making over a dozen of these for gifts this year I’ve got a handful of tips beyond what are listed in the blog above-

1)    Be sure to let your mug sit for at least 48 hours AFTER baking before putting it in the dishwasher.

2)    Some colors are going to fade in the oven. It just happens. The good news is that it is always the ones you should expect to fade anyway- the soft pinks, lilacs, and lighter oranges were the ones that gave me the most trouble. Black, Red, and Blue had the most staying power.

3)    Keep it simple. If you aren’t good at drawing, cut out stencils and use those. You can even tape them to your mug while decorating and make some cool designs with negative space like this one:

4)    Think of your recipient. I made a lot of Doctor Who mugs for Whovian friends. I made a Harry Potter mug for myself. I made a Star Wars mug for my sister. My husband got one with a charcoal grill. Don’t just draw a bunch of stars on the thing and call it good- we’re making GIFTS here, people! Not craft projects.

5)    It’s all in the presentation. Tie a bow around your mug and present it with a box of hot chocolate mix and marshmallows.

Something That Looks Expensive – The Ornament Wreath

So in my mind there are things that are ~classy~ and then there are things that are klassy with a k. There is a difference. A big, big difference. It is the difference between these-

So this craft is classy with a capital C. Check out these retail versions. This one from Pottery Barn will run you $149 and this “lower end” one from Pier 1 is $65.96.

This version costs less than $10 and is easy as sin. Here is the tutorial I used.

Some tips!

1)    Again, consider your recipient! I made one for my mama who is a HUGE sports fan, particularly The North Carolina Tarheels. I found an assortment pack of the perfect colors and scored a UNC ornament for cheap at an antiques store. Put together you’ve got something that looks expensive AND is personalized.

2)    If Pinterest is the crafter’s bible, hot glue is the holy water. This whole craft is a waste of your time if you don’t take the time to pop the metal tops off the ornaments and hot glue them back on. You might think they’re secure- WRONG. They will pop off from the pressure as your hanger fills up and the other ornaments push on them. Ask me how I know. 

that's my husband's arm. I'm awful and make him help.

Something To Eat – Ugly Christmas Sweater Cookies

I love to eat. But I don’t cook. I don’t bake. I hardly even boil water. I microwave well, but that’s my limit, really. That said, this kit (I picked mine up at WalMart for less than $5!) made it easy enough for even me to muddle through. It says it makes 12 cookies but it lies. It makes like 5. Or maybe 6. Definitely not 12. Even so, it was worth the $5 just for the adorable cookie cutter and sprinkle pack. Wrap in wax paper when you’re done and put in a decorative gift box. This is one “craft” that anyone with a sweet tooth and sense of humor will love.

So there you have it. My favorite 3 exceptions to “No Crafts as Gifts Rule.” In all honesty though, these aren’t RULES so much as guidelines. You know your recipients better than I will. If you think your friends and family will just DIE for your popsicle stick creations- go on wit yo bad self, girl! If anyone gives you any lip, take note for next year – I’ve heard there’s a website that will deliver flaming bags of dog poop.